What Do You Want?

It’s got to be one of the simplest and most asked questions of all time. And just about anyone might ask it of you. A parent might ask a child, “Jimmy, what do you want?” as in “milk, food, diaper change.” An exhausted waitress might ask, “Sir, what do you want?” as in “a burger, fries or cup of coffee.” A disrespectful teen might ask “What do you want?” as in “it’s my life and you can’t understand it so I don’t understand why you don’t just leave me alone to make horrible choices with my life.” Each “What do you want?” is really a different question. And, to be sure, there are thousands more ways the question might be asked. And even the above interpretations aren’t so easy to answer depending on who we are developmentally and emotionally at the time.

But the question I ask is deeper still. It’s the eternal question. It takes time to ponder. And when you think there’s a simple answer, usually it’s because you haven’t looked deeply enough. “What do you want … from Life?” “How do you want to spend the rest of your time on this planet?” “What have you always wanted but have never let yourself believe you could have?” Yes, these are the questions of the psychoanalyst, the clergyperson and the sage. But at some level, they are the ultimate human questions.

I’ve been asking the question of myself a lot lately. Perhaps I’m right on time. At age 45, many would peg me as ready for my midlife crisis. But I’ve tackled the question before – at 18 and at 22. I’ll face it again – at 65 and 80. Hopefully, the question will come to visit occasionally for as long as I’m alive. But my answers have changed. I suspect that is only healthy.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you are open to facing the question.

For me, it came as it often does a result of some mild burnout. I say mild, because my life was really great. I’ve been practicing my profession for 23 years. By most any standards, I’m good at it – successful beyond what I might have imagined. I have a healthy, happy family and am surrounded by great friends. My faith community helps support me and I am appreciated for the time I volunteer to the greater community. Life is more than good!

Yet … something in me wasn’t satisfied. They say that when you’re green, you’re growing. When you’re ripe, you start to rot. I’m not sure that everyone could catch the smell, but I was starting to. I’ve always believed that there’s a delicate balance to be found in living intentionally (with forethought and planning) and being open to what comes our way. And I found myself doing neither. Oh, I’d plan … and plan … and plan. I’d make commitments – to too many things and people. I hired consultants and coaches. I read books and attended seminars. I sought the advice of friends and mentors. And I’d stayed open to change – in fact I’d change my focus daily.

But I had forgotten to listen to the one and only expert on the subject at hand – ME! I needed to open up dialogue with the inner voice. That voice has served me well when I’ve been wise enough and centered enough to ask “What do you really want?” He, alone, is willing to answer in line with my self interest, not just as I believe others would have me answer. The inner voice isn’t bound by the “ought to’s”, the ego, the guilt, or doubts. He doesn’t have to evaluate or challenge ideas. My “rational” mind can do that just fine on its own – and probably will.

The inner voice is often not the final word. It may not always get its way. But in ignoring it, one can pay a painful cost. There are things deep inside me that I had denied. The responsibilities of my growing family and growing business as well as my commitments to the community took me further and further from that inner voice – from my essence. I forgot that I wanted to challenge people to grow – not just their portfolios. I had devalued my real unique gifts as a human being by trying to be all things to all people. I ignored the fact that for me to serve others and the Universe best, I need to act with enlightened self interest. Anything less is a falsehood to myself and to those I say that I serve.

And so, today, I begin in earnest, to challenge myself and to challenge those who care to listen to become reacquainted with the inner voice. May we have extraordinary dialogue on some of the simplest yet most profound questions of all time. May we have the courage to take the voice seriously. And may the earnest quest help us to come closer to getting what we want.